一、我不希望叫我起床的是鬧鐘，我也不希望叫我起床的是夢(mèng)想，我希望沒有人叫我起床！

I don't want to wake me up with an alarm clock， I don't want to wake me up with a dream， I hope no one wakes me up

二、減肥想吃炸雞翅的時(shí)候，一定要忍住，只有忍一忍，等下吃起來才更香

When you want to eat fried chicken wings to lose weight， you must bear it. Only when you can bear it， it will be more delicious when you eat it

三、人家戴個(gè)勞力士綠水鬼，你說人家有錢，我戴個(gè)小天才電話手表，你說我有病，你知道我媽找我多方便嗎

Somebody else wears a rolex green water ghost， you say somebody else is rich， I wear a small genius telephone watch， you say I am sick， you know my mother find me more convenient

四、每天被鬧鐘叫醒后，我腦中就會(huì)出現(xiàn)兩個(gè)小人打架，一個(gè)說：還早呢再睡會(huì)兒！另一個(gè)沖上去揍他：你說的這不是廢話嗎！

Wake up by the alarm clock every day， my mind will appear two SIMS fight， one said: it is still early to sleep some more! Another blunt go up to beat him: what you say this is not nonsense!

五、有些圈子你沒必要刻意融入。等到了時(shí)候，你自然會(huì)被接納。比如，廣場(chǎng)舞。

There are some circles you don't have to join. When the time comes， you will be accepted. For example， square dancing.

六、小時(shí)候我媽教我用筷子，我學(xué)不會(huì)她就打我，現(xiàn)在長(zhǎng)大了，我教我媽用手機(jī)，她學(xué)不會(huì)還是打我。

When I was a child， my mother taught me to use chopsticks， she hit me when I could not learn， now grown up， I teach my mother to use a mobile phone， she can not learn or hit me.

七、厚積薄發(fā)：脂肪越積越厚，頭發(fā)越來越薄。
(m.vpsboy.com)

Thick hair: The fat gets thicker and the hair gets thinner.

八、就算失敗了九十九次，也要再努力一次，湊個(gè)整數(shù)。

Even if you fail ninety-nine times， try again to round it up.

九、如果你不開心就去加油站工作，那樣就會(huì)有很多人對(duì)你說加油，還會(huì)給你錢。

If you are unhappy and go to the gas station to work， then a lot of people will tell you to fill up and give you money

十、人有兩種，一種好看的，一種難看的，你夾在中間，屬于好難看的。

There are two kinds of people， a good-looking， ugly， you are in the middle， belong to the ugly.

十一、有什么事直接說，不要問我在不在，不出意外的話近幾十年都是在的。

Say what's right， don't ask me if I'm here， it's been around for decades.

十二、今天風(fēng)挺大的，本來想回家的，結(jié)果給我吹到奶茶店來了

Today， the wind is quite strong， originally wanted to go home， but I blew to the milk tea shop

十三、本想好好讀書的，奈何肚子越來越大，對(duì)不起孩子，我不知道你爸爸是火鍋還是奶茶

I want to study hard， but my stomach is getting bigger and bigger， sorry， I don't know your father is hot pot or milk tea

十四、剛剛點(diǎn)外賣的時(shí)候，突然想起來自己100斤，我猛地打了自己一耳光，點(diǎn)外賣的時(shí)候怎么可以分心！

Just order takeaway time， suddenly think of oneself 100 jins， I suddenly gave himself a slap in the face， order takeaway time how can be distracted!

十五、昨天花100萬給自己買了臺(tái)奔馳，簽合同和刷卡都很順利，就是上牌的時(shí)候被尿憋醒了